The "F" word

I may not be willing to share my secrets.

I usually avoid them when problems hover over me.

I sometimes don't ask how their lives are.

And I'm not willing to sacrifice some things.

But I think I am a decent one.

Just because I smile, it doesn't mean I'm not hurt.

Just because there are no tears, it doesn't mean I'm not crying inside.

I don't have many close ones, because I'm scared it will happen again.

Or maybe it's because I'm only decent, and much more is expected of me.

The voices that fade with my arrival,

The glances whirling my way, impossible for me to decipher,

The short quips contrasting with the laughter shared with others,

The lack of life, warmth, and belonging in my own small world.

I check the boundaries, mark them closer,

Tuck myself closer inwards,

And continue.

Maybe these things don't actually happen.

But when it happens, I don't heal.

I'm angry.  I'm hurt.  I'm guilty.  I'm frustrated.  I'm subdued.

I may not be the best one,

But I will never do or say anything to hurt them.

... then why are they doing it to me?

Easy does it

Psssst... wanna know a secret?  (Aren't they so CUTE together?!)  ^____^

I really love lazy days.

Days where I can just lay in bed and stare out the window.

Birds stay silent when the wind blows and scatters leaves against the rough brick, but it's still a beautiful afternoon :)

Days where I can go play in the kitchen!

Mini cakes!  Nutella filling in the middle :)  This was actually light, if you can believe that :P

What are these?

Oatmeal raisin cookies + Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies  ^^

Lemon bars

Easy, sunny, lazy days.

When I can slide my hand across the covers and just enjoy the velvety fabric, explore the stitching of the threads, and just close my eyes and relax.

Yep, these two really know how to enjoy life-- sleeeeeep ;)  Debra is so cute!

Oh!  And I also like days when people make me yummy breakfasts :D

Because it reminds me of home.

Even if I have never eaten lox and cream cheese in my life and that no one makes me breakfast at home XD

BUUUUUT, I can just wonder what my family is up to, right?  :)

My parents are da bestest :)  Laughs for everyone!  Hehe, we look so cheesy~

I found this video clip that I made over winter break to introduce Balto and Bacardi!

Well... more like introduce Bacardi, since she's not in many pictures up here ^^

Hope there's a lazy day in the future for me soon (looking forward to 15 hours of sleep, hehe); this week has been rough with catching up on work non-stop and having things due or exams every day @_@ as well as other things.  Not a good time to test my emotions.

My sister sent me a picture of her TANNING a month ago when it was snowing in STL.  Jealous!

(not that I tan... I have a shorts tan from wearing shorts for one day in STL =_= haha)

Ahh... Warmer weather!  Can't wait to enjoy the beautiful days of Spring ^_^

Have a nice day ^_^