An apology for the past and the future

Sad day...

Gripped by a feeling of longing last night and woke up from another dream of running.

And the feeling of loss.

Numbed in the morning,
Dizzy in the afternoon,
Tried staving it off by distracting myself with a movie,
but now I'm staring at the wall,
and it's tugging me from the corners.

Now on my fourth peach.  Haha~  Tomorrow will be a better day ^_^


I feel like if I post things like feelings, anyone reading would feel pretty depressed or annoyed by the third post.  Would they really want to read about someone attempting to claw their way out of themselves?

I like to see people's days, what makes them smile, and what makes them feel triumphant, on top of the world.  I want to be there with them, basking in the same glorious warmth instead of shivering in the night while the rain soaks through our clothes.  Can you blame me?

I'm sorry if at times I can't keep up with everyone, or more blatantly, can't make myself do it.  When I don't have anything to contribute except a smile, apparently pointless talk, and not knowing what to say except "it's okay."  When I want to reach out my hand and pat them on the head or hold their hand, but think that's so retarded and don't.  When people wipe away their tears, those salty drops make it hard for me to swallow for the next few days.  When they're gone, I can still feel the tension, the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the helplessness in my heart.  I want to stay out, and I apologize if people want to drag me in, but I want to see the light that brightens our days and ignites smiles.

Cheer up everyone, kay?  Look back, and our problems always seem so small.


I don't know what's happening, but...  am I becoming attached?  Better stay away for now~

Debra said...

This is another unnecessary apology! Everyone is trying to become someone they're not but the thing is, we will love you for who you are no matter what. Do what you want, don't do what you would have to force yourself to do, don't worry so much about what other people think, especially around us because we'll tell you if you're being weird. :P jk!!!! I will love you anyway!!!

Also it is totally normal to post about feelings. We would not only like to read, but would also like to help if possible. :)

Very cryptic but you should cheer up too. :D Whatever the problem is, maybe if you talk about it, other people will have advice, or solutions, or will help you reach a solution. But I understand that sometimes it feels like you can't tell anyone... just know that if it ever feels like too much weight to carry yourself, we're always here to share the burden. Or to transform it into a non-burden. Friends are the best ^^

Wendy said...

Hewro my number one blog reader :P

Thank you for your support, but ahhh nooo, I'm totally okay! :D Haha, I just wanted to say that I'm the worst person to turn to when you're in trouble or conflicted with yourself, since I never know what to say.

And it might seem like I don't take anything seriously or that I don't care about whatever problems people have. But I'm like an silent emotional sponge; I get and stay sad or furious for a few days after someone has cried or punched the wall in anger in front of me.

So yeah.. my English needs better work. Can't even describe what I want to say ^_^''

... Omgosh.. I just finished the whole pot of rice I made -_-'' The food was so spicy!

Elaine.Xu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elaine.Xu said...

I'm glad you're okay, Wendy dear =)
But please, let's all try to be more open from now on! Let's talk about the things that make us unhappy

PS now that you use blogspot I can subscribe to your feed bwahaha I will now know immediately when you update

*lol repost cuz I apparently lose the ability to spell when I'm sleep deprived wooo~

Debra said...

Okay Wendy dear~ but honestly I think you're a good person to talk to regardless. Sometimes people just need someone who listens rather than someone who actively comforts. :)

If anything is ever not right in the Wendy world though, just know that we'll always be willing to listen. It wouldn't be boring to us, I swear!

PS You should still feel better <3